Brhmacharya - Day 10, Take 1

So perhaps it was cheating to begin my 21 day practice of celibacy with a visit to my teacher for a week!

On the other hand, spending a week with a Brahmin Priest has opened my eyes a bit to just what this Yama is all about. I asked Panditji about celibacy and he said to open my mind beyond just the sexual application of the idea. Celibacy can be embraced in all aspects of living. He gave the example of food: a celibate eats primarily for what is needed rather than primarily for pleasure. A celibate does not go for third helpings at the buffet table! A celibate is restrained and in control of the emotions that stimulate "raga" attraction and attachment. This discipline is then applied throughout one's life and especially to the four primitive urges: food, sex, sleep, and fear.

Cool! There is much to be explored in this. I got to practice it last night at a cocktail/appetizer party: I ate vegetarian, drank juice, didn't speak negatively, didn't speak untruthfully, and (to my knowledge) I wasn't boring!

Another aspect of Brahmacharya is "walking in the light of Braman". I discovered that I can do contemplative exercises to envision myself as an expression of the Godhead, but I also need to envision every other being as a perfect expression of the Godhead: one being no more or less and any other.

I discovered this while walking around grocery stores and shopping malls with my teacher. I am generally in a pretty peaceful state of mind when I am with him, which an excellent time for these active contemplations; walking through the store thinking "I am Brahaman ... I am Brahman ...". Then my peripheral vision spots someone sexy, someone my "type", and my head turns with a tiny spark of desire. Just enough of a spark to make me giggle and realize that I DO NOT view all beings as equal expressions of God!

I know what is needed, I have just not yet been able to re-train my mind to really see all humans as divine.

I had a great exploration of this with some friends last year. They are married and are also very serious yoga practitioners. For years they tried to be married without loving the other more they loved all of humanity. Then a change happened as they decided that they did love each other more than the rest of humanity. They struggled with that in that is felt right but went against the principles that they uphold. Great conversation! We decided to conclude by saying "Hmm ..."

Transition

Tomorrow begins my exploration of brahmacharya. I'm really looking forward to exploring this at the mind-level. It is often translated to english as "celibacy". An "acharya" is a teacher; Brahma is God (param-Atman, universal consciousness, creator, etc. etc. etc.) . So a Brahmachari is one who exudes God in all thoughts, actions, and speech. God, being beyond the primitive urges of food, sex, sleep, and fear, is of course celibate (it is silly to think otherwise).

I'm hoping this practice brings me mind-to-mind (vs. face to face) with my primitive urge so I can understand it, control it, and master it.

I'm glad I'm engaging in this practice in my late 40's rather than my 20's or 30's! Gandhi struggled tons with this yama, I may re-read his autobiography during this.

Sankalpa Shakti Rules!

I finally had a good test!

Financial matters here at home are a source for big emotions! We approach and see things very differently. Without going into the details, which would be totally biased by MY perspective, we had sufficient cause for a kerfuffel this morning.

WE KERFUFFELED ABOUT OUR MOST EMOTIONAL TOPIC AND I DID NOT SPEAK ANYTHING UNTRUE OR NEGATIVE! It is possible!!! That was so cool. There really wasn't any arguing, just truthful discussion. I even spoke about the samskaras (past events) that were fuelling my current response and I did so calmly and truthfully. All the while it was going on, I stayed really conscious about the process. My heart rate did not rise!

The whole process was so beautiful I feel absolutely light and alive!

Sankapa Shakti - Day 22

OK, so here is a simple example of the current practice.

Kuma, our dog, likes to bark. He was on the back porch yesterday during the day while classes were going on. He barked and barked and barked when people arrived for class and barked and barked and barked at the things that make him bark during class. A thought crossed my mind "When Duane comes home, I'm going to tell him that Kuma was a bad puppy all day."

Had the thought been voiced, I would have been both negative and untruthful.

The truth was that Kuma made sounds (barking). My aversion to "improper decorum" when guests are under my care prompted a negative response in my mind; I got irritated with Kuma. He wasn't "bad". I was irritated, so I projected that on to him.

Fortunately, I noticed this the moment the thought arose and I was able to trace it back to the causal factors in my mind. I rearranged my mind to view the situation truthfully and then I wasn't irritated anymore and I didn't even mention it to Duane.

Simple, relatively meaningless example, but this is the process of retraining my mind.

Sankalpa Shakti - Day 18

I'm transforming my mind.

I just realized this last night. I know, I'm a little slow, but that is what this entire practice is about, and I couldn't be more thrilled! Many, many, many texts of yoga speak to the need for this. Until I began this practice a few years ago, those references were just academic. Now, I know HOW to transform my mind and its habits and patterns.

Case in point, I still have to stop myself rather often from speaking negatively. Not hugely negative, just sarcastic comments and the like. In semi-polite company it becomes normal to speak thus, not that that is an excuse. The other day, as I was observing my mind, I realized that there are still a lot of impulses that need retraining.

These impulses are the kleshas and primitive urges working and I know that I am just taming them rather than eliminating them, but that will come one day too.

Sankalpa Shakti - Day 12

I'm not sure if I'll be able to put this into meaningful words, but I had an amazing breakthrough in the bathtub this morning. It needs a little background though ...

1. I have just started a formal yoga nidra practice. Nidra means "sleep". Yoga nidra is a practice whereby one begins to gain control over the states of consciousness and thereby "consciously" move from waking (conscious) through dreaming (subconscious) to the sleep state (unconscious) with COMPLETE awareness. It is awesome and powerful and I'm making baby steps forward but spending a lot of time observing my various consciousness states, especially the subconscious.

2. As a result of these observations, I begin to wonder "What are the purposes of each state? How can I use each one for my spiritual development?"

3. We were studying some teachings by Swami Veda this week in the philosophy class where he said the mind-field (encompasing ALL of the states of consciousness) is made up of 3 Divine attributes:
1. Satyam = Truth
2. Shivam = Goodness
3. Sundaram = Beauty
These are the natural impulses and urges of the mind; to engage in truth, goodness, and beauty! We suffer when we resist these natural/Divine urges! We are born to live in a state of Saumanasyam, Beautiful Mindedness!

4. Yesterday, Duane and I were talking at the kitchen table and, as he fell into a particular pattern of speaking (the details of which don't really matter), I felt irritation arising in my mind. I didn't speak anything negative, but I came not quite to a boil inside but a darn good simmer! As I reflected on this later in the day, I started to wonder "Why? What is the mechanism whereby I grow irritated at these little nothings?"

In the bathtub this morning it all came together in a flash with perfect clarity. And it is so interconnected to everything I've been working on that I don't know if I can put it into words. But ...

Samskaras (the records of our mental verbal and physical actions, negative or positive or neutral) are the food of the Kleshas. Negative samskaras feed and strengthen the kleshas. When I have a negative reaction to something Duane says, the attachments and/or aversions and/or ego (etc) gets stronger so that the next time the scenario plays out, it takes very little to stimulate the negative response in me. Conversely, a positive samskara starves the kleshas. This whole process is also called karma. This whole process plays out in the subconscious mind! This is one of the major purposes of the subconscious !!!! The conscious mind is a prime source of input into the subconscious mind (my ears receive the sound impulses, they go to the subsconscious as samskaras and the drama begins). The unconscious mind is free of all of this drama!!!!! It is pure and free!!! It is a step closer to the fourth state of consciousness (turia) or superconsciousness.

The subconscious and unconscious aspects of myself have all of the sudden become VERY important to me because this discipline of practicing the yamas and niyamas has now become the key for me to take control of my karma!

Sankalpa Shakti, Day 9

My cool new juicer arrived two days ago and it is changing my mind already!!!

The five yamas are meant to be restraints; i.e. I DON'T do something. The niyamas are sort of the opposite; I DO something. The difference is quite strong. And yet there is interesting overlap and I'm finding I can use both, to a degree, whether I'm working on a yama or niyama.

Shoucha (purity). My commitment was stated as "I will not ingest anything impure." That is a negative statement and in effect turning the niyama into a yama. There is a quality of restraint in the practice to be sure. But as I began drinking my freshly made, pure juice blends, I made the mental shift from "not ingesting anything impure" to "ingesting purity". Profound and empowering mental difference. It feels like power (shakti) on a base of discipline.

This is also in turn affecting my thinking on the Ahimsa and Satya commitments, especially Ahimsa. There is a big difference between not speaking anything negative and speaking positive. It is especially noticable with something such as sarcasm. After I join in a communal conversation with a contribution of humorous sarcasm, I feel a bit dirty and think, "Why couldn't I say something positive instead?". Well ... I can! I am going to bring an element of niyama into my yama practice of Ahimsa. I'm going to utilize the power of positivity to restrain the negativity.

This is certainly consistent with the suggested approach for dealing with the kleshas; when seeking to eliminate something (negativity, impurity, etc.), begin by cultivating its opposite (positivity, purity, etc). (Yoga sutra II:33)

Who knew juicing could be so powerful.